Such is Life

There are just some days I wish I was anywhere but here. That I can be loved the way I always hoped and dreamed for. To get back what you put in. I used to think that was not much to ask for. Now it seems impossible to attain.......such is life

......it's getting old part deux

  In this life if we do not succeed the first time try try again. I live by this motto. It has helped me cope through many of the bumps in the road that life has dealt. However, it is looking like this motto is not working in the current situation of the sleeping issues. The False Awakenings is what I speak of. Ever since my last post I have been diligently looking for answers as to why this happens and looking for more of the natural remedies as opposed to the synthetic ones. In my searches I came upon the old remedy of warm milk before bed. I was Gung Ho to try this because 1. my house is always stocked with milk and 2. I have heard of so many people swearing this is something that they have done since childhood and it works far better than any sleeping pills they have tried. I'm sure as in reading my post you can tell this solution has not worked for me. Not in the least. I may need to be more diligent on my end in this adventure however I cannot express how let down I have come out of this feeling.
  Let down you say, but why?? I have an issue being the poster child for being the one who can give out advice but I cannot follow my own. That does make me a hypocrite sometimes but at least I can admit to that fact. The try try again in the motto makes me want to try something else but so much has already been tried I feel I will never be able to go to bed at night knowing I wont have these episodes again. Knowing that this is something that I cannot control or at least feels as if this is out of control wears down on my mind. This is something that I should be able to get a handle on, but I do not know how. 
  So, back to the drawing board it is. I will search until I cannot search any farther in hopes of somehow trying to find this elusive remedy. I refuse to go to a Dr and tell them about my issues. I do not like opening up to these professionals and telling them of the complications that are being had, simply because I do not believe in these days Dr's are the answer. The medical professionals of our day like to push pills and send for very very expensive treatments usually without looking at an entire family history, without doing their research as I have done mine and while I concede that these professionals are more intelligent than I can ever hope to be, I do not like being looked at like I am a fool when I come into their offices being as prepared as possible. Its almost as if they take offense to this being done. Hey, I'm just a helpful kind of gal no need for them to get huffy.
  I will not give up. My sign of the zodiac tells of having a driving determination. I do have this, even to a point of being at fault. I will beat these False Awakenings and I will strive through these moments and leave them in my dust once this has all passed. However I am a hope for the best prepare for the worst type of girl. we shall see what the ever coming future holds. Until then........Ciao 

....its getting old

  Have you ever waken up from a deliciously long afternoon nap with a start? A feeling of being late or as if you are being watched perhaps? Then the feeling of 'Am I awake or am I dreaming' comes to cultivate in your mind. This has caused many countless hours trying to figure out if I have missed work, if I was really sleeping, or if it was just the remnants of the dream being had before I woke up. The confusion that comes almost immediately after is starting to cause me to question a multitude of things when just a few years ago I would have been able to just roll out and not question whether I was awake or dreaming.

  This situation has been presenting itself more and more as of late. Many people who have been consulted usually just say its stress causing this almost questioning of reality. If I do not get an answer, I usually get the 'I'm sorry I don't know what to say' look. I think that part is the most frustrating of them all because that means either they think that you are one snap off from being put into a straight jacket or that you are letting something so simple as dreaming start to affect your life. 
  It does sound kind of silly doesn't it? When I started thinking that this was actually silly I went to my favorite web page Google and asked a question. Apparently this is very common.....go figure right? It is called False Awakening. There is a whole section of topics on it and Wiki has a really good article. The most interesting of this article is that it references this phenomena in the Nightmare on Elm Street movies. Really????? I'm having the same issues as the dreamers in Freddy's movies???? Holy Crap!!! Well, that's what I thought at first anyways. This is actually a serious condition which can lead to insomnia, exhaustion, and eventually if the problem is not addressed then insanity. So that means its a long road to hell. YAY ME!!!!
  I have no idea really how to stop this. I try and go to sleep early, not drink coffee, consume melatonin, and even resorted to having night caps to try and bring the sleep on. Sad fact is I am afraid to sleep. I do not like waking up and questioning almost every aspect of what I do each morning if it is real or if it is a dream. I am afraid of the downfall that is steadily approaching. It has started to affect my life, my love life, my job, and worst of all my attitude. I used to be a strong willed woman who came from a very strong willed family. I even have family telling me its all in my head. And ya know what???? That's true it is all in my head. However, I have no idea how to get it all out of my head. I long for the days past that I was able to sleep almost anywhere without the fear of a dream or of the False Awakening. 
  There are remedies and help pages out there for this issue. I have searched long and hard. A few things can be done like eating a small carb filled snack right before bed. Exercising before bedtime as well will help as per some of these sites. However, while looking an old time recipe popped up saying that this was the best trick of all. Warm milk!!!!!!! Who would have thought that this age old remedy is still used and also talked about to be used to help in sleepless nights, nightmares, night terrors and False Awakenings. I'm glad this is something that is so easily available and will be trying this out in the next few weeks to come to see if that has any effect what so ever on this not so fun issue. No one likes to question their reality. Least of all me, I like to be firmly planted on the ground. Wish me luck in this adventure and hopefully the result will be what I am hoping for.
  With that, I close another entry and say Auf Wiedersehen! Until the next time........

All so new

   Hello there Blogger World. While tinkering around on the nets I have read, commented, and shared many blogs that are out there in the world wide web. I thought to myself, "Self, why is it that you are not blogging? All it seems to be is people's thoughts, beliefs, fantasies  etc..... this is something that you can do." So here I am trying this Blog out. Hopefully this will be the first of many and fingers crossed I can keep this up. I'm not really anybody from Nowheresville USA who on occasion gets bored and would like to share her thoughts, views, ideas and so on with the millions out there who like to read, research, and sometimes just to melt the day away bugging out. If this does not get any readers or however that works, it will not be disappointing, because I need an outlet and I think this will work perfectly whether it be with readers or not. Well to that end I will bid Adieu and look forward to this new exciting chapter.